Myths About Couples Therapy

February 23, 2026

Authors: Kathryn Dumont, LCSW and Araceli Gauna-Scattolini, LMHC

Contributors: James Miller, LMHC and Katherine Pilarte Emerick, LMFT

Couples therapy is often misunderstood. Many couples delay seeking support because of myths that make therapy feel intimidating, shameful, or like a last resort. Research from the Gottman Institute shares that unhappy couples wait an average of 6 years before seeking any sort of support (Gottman, 2026).

In reality, modern, evidence-based approaches – such as the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and Internal Family Systems (IFS) – help couples strengthen connection, understand conflict, and create meaningful, lasting change.

Plus, timing is everything. The effectiveness of couples therapy is related to a couples’ level of motivation. When a couple waits too long to find support, motivation is typically lacking – or even worse, completely absent. The longer a couple waits, the more resentment, frustration, and stress have been built that a couple has to learn to weave through.

Let’s explore some of the most common myths about couples therapy, and what actually helps relationships heal.

Myth #1: Couples therapy is only for relationships in crisis

Couples therapy isn’t just for relationships on the brink of separation or divorce. Many couples seek therapy to improve communication, navigate life transitions, or reconnect emotionally before problems escalate. Couples therapy can:

Focus on strengthening friendship, trust, and everyday interactions;
Help couples understand emotional disconnection and build secure attachment; and
Support partners in understanding the wounded parts that show up under stress or conflict.

Therapy is meant to be proactive, not just a last resort. In fact, couples therapy works better if it is not used as a last resort.

Kathryn Dumont, LCSW is a couples therapist at Atala Counseling and a Gottman Institute Level 3 trained therapist. Katy states, “One of the toughest mistakes couples make is waiting until they’re already emotionally checked out. Therapy works best before their love turns into survival.”

Myth #2: The therapist will take sides

Effective couples therapy does not assign blame or choose a “winner,” but it also isn’t about avoiding accountability.

Therapists help identify repetitive interaction patterns that keep couples “stuck.” Each partner may have specific behaviors, responses, or protective strategies that contribute to the cycle and need to change in order for the relationship to repair or heal.

The focus is on responsibility without shame, insight without blame, and change that supports the relationship as a whole.

James Miller, LMHC is a couples therapist at Atala Counseling and a Gottman Institute Level 2 trained therapist. James states, “I encourage constructive feedback from the couple as their therapist, modeling healthy accountability for the couple. Through that, we are all able to have more effective interactions.”

Myth #3: Couples therapy is just talking about feelings

While emotions are important, couples therapy is structured and goal-oriented.

Gottman Institute couples therapy provides practical, research-based tools for communication, conflict management, and repair. The tools brought into the couples therapy sessions are based on over 40 years of research on what healthy couples do.
EFT helps couples access and express deeper emotions that drive disconnection.
IFS helps partners slow down reactive responses and understand what’s happening internally.

Together, these approaches help couples respond intentionally rather than react automatically.

Myth #4: If we loved each other, we wouldn’t need therapy

Love doesn’t automatically teach communication skills or heal emotional wounds. Stress, attachment histories, past experiences, family of origins and past trauma can all affect how partners relate to one another.

Relationship distress can be considered a disruption in emotional bonding. Conflict can be protective parts trying to keep us safe, however further distancing the partner from real, vulnerable connection. Couples therapy can help couples build habits that support trust and emotional safety.

Needing support doesn’t mean the relationship is failing, it means the relationship matters.

Katherine Pilarte Emerick, LMFT is a couples therapist at Atala Counseling and a Gottman Institute Level 2 trained therapist. Katherine explains that, “Love isn’t the same thing as having the skills for a healthy relationship. Many of us were never taught how to communicate, repair, or navigate conflict well. Therapy helps us learn those skills.”

Myth #5: Therapy is about rehashing the past or assigning blame

While the past may need to be explored to understand patterns and heal old wounds that may need repair, couples therapy focuses on creating change in the present for a healthier future.

Gottman Institute therapy emphasizes improving daily interactions and strengthening the friendship between both partners;
EFT helps create new, emotionally corrective experiences; and
IFS helps unburden old wounds so they don’t continue to drive conflict.

The goal is growth and healing in the here and now, without blame.

Myth #6: Conflict means the relationship is unhealthy

All couples experience conflict. What matters is how conflict is handled.

Healthy relationships are defined by repair, emotional attunement, and mutual respect. Couples have healthier conflict when they:

Learn to stay emotionally connected during disagreement; and
Understand their partner is trying to protect themselves underneath the anger, shutdown, or defensive response.

Consider conflict an opportunity for deeper understanding and connection with your partner.

Katherine Pilarte Emerick, LMFT teaches her clients that, “Nearly 70% of conflicts in healthy relationships never fully disappear. The goal isn’t no conflict, it’s learning how to handle it with respect and gain tools to manage these difficult moments.”

What Couples Therapy Really Helps With

Improving communication and emotional safety
Breaking negative conflict cycles
Increasing empathy and understanding
Repairing trust and strengthening intimacy
Feeling more connected to each other and themselves

Healthy relationships aren’t perfect, they’re supported.

A Myth That’s Actually True: Couples therapy requires effort from both partners

This is one myth that is true, and it’s important to name it honestly.

Couples therapy isn’t something a therapist “does” to or for a couple. For real change to happen, each partner is asked to:

Look inward at their own individual patterns, reactions, and protective strategies
Take responsibility for how they show up in the relationship
Commit to practicing new skills and responses
Do the work outside of sessions, not just during them

This may include practicing communication tools, repair strategies, and ways of increasing connection between sessions.

It may involve noticing emotional triggers and experimenting with new ways of reaching for one another rather than withdrawing or escalating.

It means getting curious about the parts of yourself that show up in conflict—and learning how to respond from a more grounded, intentional place.

This work can feel challenging at times, but it’s also empowering. Couples therapy creates a structured, supportive space—but lasting change happens when both partners are willing to engage, reflect, and practice.

Effort doesn’t mean perfection. It means showing up with honesty, openness, and a willingness to grow—for yourself and for the relationship.

Considering Couples Therapy?

You don’t have to wait until things feel broken to get support. At Atala Counseling, our experienced couples therapists help you reconnect, communicate, and grow—before distance turns into damage. Explore our team to find the right fit for your relationship, and take the first step forward today.

Learn more and schedule your appointment by using this link: Schedule Now

Reference:
Ammirati, Terri. (Jan, 2016). When is it a good time to seek counseling? Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/when-is-it-a-good-time-to-seek-counseling/